me in trilogy/chronology

1985
i was nine years old, between the fourth and the fifth year of the primary school, i used to read a lot.
i was introvert and taciturn, insecure, very sensitive, in love with women's naked knees during the summer.
i went to cinema every day, because that way i could see my father.
i was mad for besame mucho sung by nat king cole.
i used to think of the year 2000 and tell myself: "i'll be 24, i'll be an old man".
i used to play with toy soldiers and i made the noises of the galloping horses, of the shooting rifles and of the howling redskins.
at least once a week, i got the urge to kill my sister.
i never sunbathed, at the beach.
i had straight and shiny hair, and eyes a lot more slanting. once in a restaurant some japanese people started talking in japanese with me.
my favorite season was winter. most of all, i loved the rain.
as an adult, i wanted to be an archaeologist, or the petrol station attendant, cause i liked the sponge with which you clean the windshield.

2005

i am restless, often taken by abstract furies.
i am extrovert and chatty, enthusiastic and curious, laughing too much.
i have always a strong sensation that i'm loosing something, that i'm not taking all i could from life, even if i sleep only 4 hours and never rest during the whole day.
i am in love with deanna, more than i could have imagined one could be.
i love to walk in this city, to catch its eterogeneity and get wet by it.
i dance and write and make love and take photographs and read and sing and listen to music and draw and talk on the phone and work and cook and go out and laugh, however serious it is.
i dream of opening a restaurant, sooner or later, and spend my evenings there, chatting with people.
i miss my parents, cause it's been 11 years we live in different towns.
i quitted coffee and i feel like i quitted a wife.
i accept reality, whatever it takes.

2025

i'll be retired form my present job, having saved money enough to have a good yield and to take care of what is dear to my heart.
i'll be with deanna. married? who cares. with children? the more i can have, or adopt.
i'll have less friends, but better ones.
i'll be more calm, wise, efficient.
i'll be with my sister.
maybe i'll have some regrets, but i will carefully do not confess them to anybody.
still and forever i'll have no pets.
with a soft spot for great wines.
with a soft spot for people younger than me.
as ever, with a blameworthy past behind.